Joe gadgets are all glitter

Maybe you did not get what you envisioned for Christmas, and the chrome-plated tire inflator with the Mp3 player attached, that chimes The Yellow Rose of Texas on the hour is the same kind of gift you always get from your Aunt Tinesy, who lives next to a Six Flags Park in Texas. Maybe you should have been a bit more obvious when hinting at what you really wanted, which was the professional, extra-boosted, chrome-plated espresso machine with the integrated grinder and pressure gauges that you saw at the I-95 truck stop near Daytona.

Fortunately for you, this contraption and many more on the market did not land in your lap Christmas morning. The home espresso bar seems to be hotter than ever with many models out there proclaiming they are the ultimate piece of genuine handcrafted machinery by the Cappuccine monks in the hills of Italy.

The American consumer is very addicted to technical gadgets. The pursuit for the best cup of home-brewed coffee seems to lead to an overt perversion for engineering excellence. I visited a typical high-end kitchen store and the espresso machines were lined up like luxury cars with Italian names. Chrome- and brass-covered, the contraptions were destined for a granite counter top. Each a heavyweight bearing the same sticker under the bottom right corner: "Made in China" or if you were lucky, "Made in Bangladesh."

If you really want a great cup of espresso or coffee, go for simplicity. The science is simple and developed by a few peasants with the desire to squeeze the most from their meager measure of fresh-roasted coffee. To this day, you find simple stovetop espresso makers in most Italian homes. The reason for the development of what is known as the typical boiler type machine was the need to serve many in a gathering place devoted to discussion and sipping the essence of coffee. These places became known as "Penny Universities." You could absorb a wealth of information listening to the orators and pontificators for the price of a cup of coffee. The orators and pontificators have been replaced by the TV slung from the ceiling. A great cup of coffee is still available in a few establishments.

If you cannot find a Penny University, you can still get a great cup at home. For espresso the stovetop is still the best. If you want a latte, just slow heat some milk, whipping the milk while the espresso is brewing. The vacuum process created hundreds of years ago still goes strong and there are no moving parts that have to be shipped to New Jersey for repair. The same goes for a typical cup of coffee. The vacuum method is still the best. The Cory stovetop coffee maker is typical of the vacuum process. The brand no longer exists, but an electric model by Bodum called a Santos does a great job of duplicating the process.

Beware of the charlatans and the trendy coffee gadgets unless you are happy with the electric toenail trimmer with the halogen headlights, four-on-the-floor, pearl-encrusted nose hair plucker.